You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
