We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize