Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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