Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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