Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
