I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
