well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
