They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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