She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize