NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
