he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
