Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
