I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
