i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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