Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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