I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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