An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wear drunk well.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
