so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
