you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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