i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize