I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
