Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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