Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
