We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want nice things and good sex
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
