Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
