Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
