How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
don't judge my taste in strippers
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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