Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
