I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
