Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
