I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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