she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
