I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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