I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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