You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
