I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
