You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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