i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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