haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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