when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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