Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
