Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
