Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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