So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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