hell yes lets make some ravioli
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
