Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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