Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
