NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
this hospital has no fireball
I need to sanitize my soul.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
