Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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