Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
