I hate your face
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
