My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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