Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
