I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
