Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
