If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we made out on top of his cat.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
