I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
