guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
