I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
