Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
