We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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