YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
