Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
