everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize