The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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