You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
