I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
