nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
