Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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