i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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