PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
