Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
