when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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