how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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