i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
