New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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