I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
