your thong is hanging out like whoa
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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